Dream a Little Dream

Post ep fic "Trojan Horse"
SPOILERS for "Hail and Farewell"
Pairing: Mac/Clay Mac/Harm
Summary: Mac has an eye-opening dream that makes her think about the choices she's made…

Mac entered her apartment and closed the door, her thoughts a tangled, jumbled mess. She was used to that, her mind hadn't been clear since those awful days in Paraguay. Looking down at the ring on her finger, she realized that she was wondering if she'd made another mistake by accepting it from Clay, considering how many doubts she had.

But Clay had been on his best behavior this evening. He hadn't had one single drink, and he'd promised to seriously consider giving up fieldwork and 'coming home' as Simon had put it. He'd insisted that Simon had blown things out of proportion and that not every agent ended up that way. He'd told her that he understood that she wanted him here with her, to be with her, not chasing after terrorists around the world - and then his cell phone had started to ring and Clay had gone tearing off again, leaving her to come home alone to an empty apartment.

Sinking down onto the sofa, Mac's gaze fell on the huge diamond on her finger - she wondered momentarily if she was ever going to be able to think about diamonds without thinking about Sadik as well. Grabbing a pillow, Mac held it tight against her, closing her eyes. She was tired, so tired….


~~The hospital examination room is cold, and Mac wraps her arms around her waist in an attempt to warm herself. It's not working. She wishes momentarily that Clay was here with her, but quickly squelches that thought, reminding herself that she knew going into this marriage that he probably wouldn't give it up - and that she'd have to do things on her own.

The doctor comes in, smiling. "Well, Mrs. Webb, you're pregnant. Congratulations."~~


~~"You ready to do this?" a man asks, and Clayton Webb gives him a serious look as he returns the flask to his pocket.

"Yeah." He knows he's been drinking too much, and he knows he promised Sarah that he'd stop - but sometimes promises couldn't be kept. "Let's go."

The man and Clay start down the rope ladder toward the zodiac, but Clay's foot gets tangled in the lines. He struggles to free himself, but his fingers won't grasp the damp rope. Suddenly his foot comes free, but his fingers slip and he plunges into the icy-cold water beneath him, to be tossed about like so much debris. The rain makes seeing almost impossible - and even though he screams for help, the others can't find him as he slips beneath the surface for the last time.

"Sarah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."~~

~~"Colonel Mackenzie," Mac says she picks up the telephone in her office.

"Colonel, it's Laurie June."

Hearing the voice of Clay's assistant, Mac's blood goes cold. "Laurie, what's wrong?" She can hear the tremor of fear in the young woman's voice.

"Mr. Webb's at Kresge Medical Center, ma'am. I - I think you need to get down here ASAP."

"I'm on my way," Mac says, already hanging up the phone and grabbing her cover.

Harm is in the bullpen and she nearly runs into him as she passes. "Whoa. Where's the fire, Mac?" he asks, his smile fading as she barely acknowledges him.

"I have to go," she insists, and runs toward the elevators.

~~Laurie June is pacing in the corridor when Mac sees her. "Where is he?" Mac asks. "I have to talk to him."

"They're still with him, ma'am," she says, sniffing. "It doesn't look good."

"What happened?"

"That's -"

"Don't tell me it's classified, Laurie June. That's my husband in there and -"

"He was on a mission and something went wrong. He fell off the ship into the ocean. They couldn't find him for several hours. He wasn't breathing -"

"Oh my God," Mac says.

"They put him on a respirator and stabilized him before getting him back here to DC. He was still unconscious."

A doctor appears from the room nearby. "Doctor, I'm his wife," Mac says. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Webb, but - he didn't make it. There was a large quantity of alcohol in his system - as well as prescription pain killers."

Mac stands there blinking, not believing what she's hearing. "He's - dead? He can't be. We're-" she places a hand to her stomach. "We're going to have a baby. We - He promised me he would come back. That he was going to give this up - He promised -"

"It was a promise he couldn't keep, Mrs. Webb," the doctor says sadly. "Again, I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but - he was in the water for too long."

Suddenly everything goes dark, and Mac feels herself pitching forward into that dark abyss.~~

~~Mac opens the door of the apartment that she and Clay had shared - when he'd been home. Of course, even when he'd been there, he hadn't been. Not really. Finding Harm standing in the hallway, she gives him a small, watery smile. "Harm."

"Are you okay?" he asks, the concern visible on his face. "The way you rushed out of the office earlier - and then calling to say you were taking a few days leave -"

Mac draws a deep, shuddering breath before stepping back to let him inside. "No. I'm not okay," she admits quietly, closing the door. "Clay's dead." She's glad he's here, but she can't look at him when she says the words. She doesn't want to see the look on his face at the news.

"What? God, Mac. I'm sorry. Do you know what happened?" Risking a glance in his direction, she's surprised to find real shock and dismay in his eyes. And she knows she shouldn't be.

She sits down on the sofa, her long hair curling around her shoulders. "He was on a mission and drowned. He'd -" she bows her head, looking down at the rings on her finger. "He'd been drinking."

Harm sits beside her. "I really am sorry, Mac. I had no idea things were that bad."

"I didn't want - anyone to know," she tells him, only preventing herself from saying 'you' at the last moment.

"We're your friends, Mac," he insists. "We might have been able to help."

She starts twisting her rings. "There's more. I found out the other day that I'm - pregnant."

"Pregnant?" he repeats.

"Yeah. He never even knew," she says quietly.

"Oh, God. Is there anything I can do?" he asks, and she smiles. It was so like Harm to want to help.

"You're doing it," she assures him. "By being here. By still being my friend after -"

"I'll always be here for you, Mac," Harm declares. "That's a promise."

"And you keep your promises," she tells him.

"Have I ever let you down yet?"~~


Mac woke suddenly, blinking, words from her dream echoing inside her head.

"I'll stop drinking, Sarah. I promise."

"I promise to think about quitting, getting out of the field."

"He promised he'd come back."

"It was a promise he couldn't keep, Mrs. Webb."

"I'll always be here for you, Mac. That's a promise."

"And you keep your promises."

Looking at the ring on her finger, Mac suddenly knew that she couldn't marry Clay. She had too much respect for her psychic abilities not to take that dream as a warning. As soon as Clay returned from this mission, she would give him the ring back and tell him that while she'd always consider him to be a friend, she needed someone in her life who would be there for her, and who wasn't slowly killing himself with alcohol and pills.

Removing the ring, she put carried it into the bedroom and placed it inside her jewelry case, feeling as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders.

"I'll always be there for you, Mac. That's a promise."

Hearing Harm's words from her dream made Mac smile as she realized where her true future lay - she just hoped that it wasn't too late for them to try.

Her telephone rang, and Mac picked it up, her mood shattered upon hearing Laurie June's voice. "Colonel Mackenzie - something's happened ---"

The End

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